even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
