Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize