he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
