So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize