Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
