True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
