I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
