he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
