3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
