Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
