3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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