a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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