you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Houston, we have a blender
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize