He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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