best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
