i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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