I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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