my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
