My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
