is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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