i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
