Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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