I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
