as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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