worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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