he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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