My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
