Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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