Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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