I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
