the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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