dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
