No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
