member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So vagazzling was a success
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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