Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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