No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The air was thick with penises
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
