ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
