Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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