I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
