I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize