In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
