Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
