today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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