I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
