i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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