Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
