i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
