You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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