You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
