thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Found your dick twin last night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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