just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
