What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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