just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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