Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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