I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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