she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
