You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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