im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize