the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
