So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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