its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize