I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
