I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
