is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
