She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
