I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
