youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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