party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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