Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
