I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
