He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
