i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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