After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
