giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize