When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So much rum. So many feels.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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