if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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