the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
