Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
