I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
