Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
