Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So squirting runs in the family.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
