So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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