Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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