you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A bitchslap is in order.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
