sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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