Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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