Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
