If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
