Sacagawea was the original milf.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
