After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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