omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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