Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
