Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
