there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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