she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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